Confessions of the Very First Zombie Slayer (That I Know Of) by F. J. R. Titchenell

Author:F. J. R. Titchenell
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Jolly Fish Press
Published: 2014-05-06T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Ride on the

Magic Parking Shuttle

“Please don’t,” I muttered hopelessly when I sensed Rory’s outline grasping one of our battery lanterns. The barricaded windows had kept things nice and dim until then.

“Have mercy,” Norman moaned from the ornate hardwood and leather chair he had ended up in a few feet away from my bit of floor, and I wondered for a moment how many luxurious, non-neck-cramp-inducing beds there were in that mansion that none of us had bothered to find.

“Come on,” Rory chided in a croakier than usual morning voice. “It’ll hurt me more than it hurts you.”

“Not possible,” Norman and I croaked back together.

“It’s just like pulling off a Band-Aid,” said Rory. “One, two—”

And just like pulling off a Band-Aid, she pushed the button before we could anticipate it properly. The similarity ended there.

Turning on the lights on a normal morning when your eyes are adjusted to the dark has that same get-it-over-with factor she was talking about, but the pain of that morning’s light continued after the usual few seconds, refusing to be over with, ever. Even Rory moaned, dropping the lantern and doubling over with her face in her hands.

“Ugh. Manners, people,” she said with as much good cheer as any of us could hope to fake. “Don’t forget to thank Norman for the awesome party.”

Norman replied with a gesture and a matching, blush-free verbal suggestion, both of which were banned from broadcast television back when broadcast television existed, both of which he usually reserved for Hector and me, the small audience he could be sure would only take them in the proper spirit. I wouldn’t have put that bet on Rory, but it turned out to be a smart one.

“Not if you were the last man on earth,” she retorted without missing a beat, and they both burst into laughter, which was stifled almost instantly for being even more painful than the light. That didn’t change the fact that, for a moment, Norman and Rory had been laughing at the same time, at the same joke, and in that moment, I stopped being surrounded by my two best friends and my one other old friend. I was just surrounded by friends.

Hector was a little better off than the rest of us, but not by much. He’d thought far enough ahead to crawl onto one of the couches for the night, and he was the first on his feet that morning. When I saw him, he was using a beer flat to carry an armful of mismatched cans, so he wouldn’t have to pry his left hand away from his forehead.

“There is no devil,” he announced when he reached the top of the stairs.

This wasn’t anything like the kind of thing I felt like saying when my eyes wouldn’t stay open and I kind of wished I could close my ears, too.

“You mean, ‘there is no god’?” I asked.

“Nah, he could still be around, working in mysterious ways and all that, but if there were a devil, he could’ve had my soul by now just for heating up some coffee.

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